Privilege comes in a variety of areas of life and is not the same as “perk, benefit, blessing, gift, or unearned anything.” Privilege is potentially damaging to the people who have it if they don’t handle it appropriately, which is why it’s important to some of us to talk about it. It isn’t anything to feel guilty about. It is simply the reality that within cultures there are some things that come with inherent value that the people who have it enjoy without thinking about it but those who don’t have it are aware that they don’t have it. That isn’t an excuse, or a justification for being a victim, etc. Usually it’s in the area of the things that we wake up not having to think about or be aware of. We may or may not have done anything to get it. But we have it and it has value.

One example (and by no means a defining one, but it is a relevant one and it resonates with me because my undergraduate degree is in theatre) is how represented you are in media. White men are everywhere — they are the majority of heroes, main characters, romantic leads, historical characters movies get made about. Prior to discussions about privilege and representation most black characters were slaves, bad guys, minor characters or not represented at all. The impact of growing up seeing yourself as the hero and the main character in every setting has an affect on you — just like growing up not seeing yourself adequately represented, or only represented in relation to the main character, has an impact on you. It’s not white men’s fault that they were the ones most represented, but they benefited from that. That benefit is the privilege. All they did was watch the movie — and they got to see themselves portrayed in amazing ways. All the time — every movie.

This is a systemic issue — and there are lots of privileges that are granted to all different people depending on their subculture and personal accomplishments. But the issue isn’t about blaming privilege or people with privilege — it’s about what we do with our privilege. And until we acknowledge the areas where we have privilege we are not doing anything productive with them. It takes humility to consider where we might have been granted something unearned, undeserved, and unsought that others had withheld. And when we engage honestly and humbly with the issues we see that there are ways that we are empowered to help others.

Just as an example, if I’m in a group where someone makes racist jokes I tell them it’s not okay. I don’t expect any person of color present to stand up for themselves because clearly the person telling a racist joke isn’t interested in hearing from a person of color. There is no respect there. There is no privilege granted them in that position — they could speak up, they have every right to speak up, but I’m not in the group being demeaned so I’m going to say something. In the same way, when people are denigrating women I don’t hesitate to speak up but I’m also grateful for the men present who step in and call it out. A man who demeans women is less inclined to listen to a woman than they are a man — so when a man says it’s not cool that carries more weight to someone who listens to men and not women.

Think about the Beatitudes — they aren’t just words of encouragement to those who are down on their luck until God sees fit to bless them and change their circumstances. They are pearls of wisdom for how we are to live. Meek, humble, merciful, peacemakers.
When it comes to privilege if we can stop being defensive and honestly and humbly consider the areas where we are privileged we can engage with meek humility and seek mercy for all as we try to be peacemakers. Jesus had the privilege of being the Son of God and he did not think it worth holding onto but he came to earth and endured what humans do when we’re confronted with holiness — and died for us so that we might live. He laid down his privilege.

So this isn’t about victimhood anymore than acknowledging our struggle with sin is victimhood. And I don’t personally need anyone to acknowledge their area of privilege in order for my life to go on exactly as it has and will continue to go on. But I know from experience that when we can acknowledge our areas of privilege and lay down our lives for those who don’t have that privilege, and if we all did that for each other, we’d be living in a much better world. I know that because it’s following the example of Jesus.

Not on everything, but on what the Bible says everywhere. At least, that’s your thought if you believe there is a “clear and obvious meaning of the text.”

You think we read any portion of text and we all know it says X and that means if I do Y I have obviously rejected the “clear and obvious X meaning of the text” and I am rejecting Scripture.

I know that’s what you think because that is how you have behaved. It comes out in how you talk to me. It comes out in how you post to me. It comes out in your dripping sarcasm in that Facebook group. I’m not blind to it — I’m ignoring it. (Or, sometimes, just calling it out and letting you know I’m okay with it.)

I don’t take offense because I get that you think we agree.

I’m writing this to make it very clear to you that we do NOT agree.

For decades I have been studying the Bible — taking it very seriously, learning how to read Hebrew and study in the original languages, learning how to use study tools, learning everything I can about the culture in which it was written and the context around the verse in question, getting a Master’s in Theology from Fuller Theological Seminary, and studying for my career — and sometimes where you believe it says X I am convinced to the core of my being and the depth of my soul and the fullness of my mind that it says Y.

You are free to disagree with me but know this . . . I disagree with you and I believe you are wrong.

I’m comfortable with that if you are. I feel no need to be right and have no interest in trying to prove you wrong. I believe you have come to your belief with what you’ve done to get there and that’s fine with me. If you believe it says X then you definitely need to be obedient to X. That is your conviction.

I believe it says Y. I must be obedient to Y. I answer to God for Y. I’m not going to do X just because you said I have to.

I’m writing this to share with you the real issue here . . . if I do X it will be out of fear of men. If I continue to do Y it will be out of respect for God. I’m going with God.

I’m willing to continue sharing. I’m open to hearing how you concluded it said X. I love engaging in dialogue with people and many times as they share their process I learn new things and I may end up respecting their position more. I am willing to share my process and how I understand the text and why. We can get to now each other’s opinions.

If you’re open to that let’s do it! If not, I respect your choice and we can end this dialogue. Perhaps our path will cross again. It will be interesting to see where we are if that happens. I wish you well and pray blessings on you.

I know that most messages in our culture are saying the opposite. I know that everywhere we look we’re told that men and women can’t be friends.

Sam and Diane (Cheers)
When Harry Met Sally
Selfie (for the Millennials who might now know it was a modern adaptation of the classic My Fair Lady which also fits the list 😉 )

The reason that most books, tv shows and movies appear to be sending the message that women and men can’t be friends is that they are primarily about the two main characters who ultimately get together. This is why we watch — we like the romance, we like the idea that two people will find each other in the midst of the crowds of people we interact with on a daily basis.

The two finding each other is the crowd is so exciting is because it’s not our experience with everyone. We don’t fall in love or into bed with every person we meet. Which means that everyone we don’t find that romantic connection with has the potential to be something else . . . a friend.

Let’s be honest, it’s not cool to hang out with people who don’t have integrity and you don’t want to be romantically involved with someone who lacks integrity either! Just avoid them! And if you only hang out with people of integrity you can have wonderful friendships whether they are women or men.