On being a woman in ministry

Being a woman in our culture is a very different experience from being a man.  I recently heard a story about a man who created an online dating profile as a woman to prove his theory that women have an easier time of it than men in dating. After all, men have to put themselves out there to be rejected by women.  Within two hours he had received so many lude and sexual and harrassing comments from men that he pulled the profile.  You can read about it yourself if you are interested.    It is a reality that men and women live in different worlds.  Most men don’t have to give more thought to where they park their vehicle than how far they will have to walk to get where they are going, whereas women have to think about the distance they will walk, the time of day and whether they park near a light, how exposed and vulnerable they might be to anyone who wants to harm them.  For example, there have been times I chose to park farther away from a mall entrance because the closer spot would have my door opening next to a large work van with no windows.  We’ve all heard the differences in how women and men are viewed in the business world all too often.  As a female pastor in our culture, there have been many times in the last year that I’ve asked, or considered asking,  “Would you ask that question/use that tone/make that suggestion to a man?”  

Anyone who knows me for any length of time knows I don’t require people to call me Pastor or Rabbi or Reverend the way some do. I think that often times titles put a barrier between people that defines the relationship along lines that I think are purely cultural and not always Biblical.  I don’t view being a pastor as a position of power so much as one of being called to greater servanthood.  I don’t expect special privilege because I’m a pastor.  I don’t think I’m more important than anyone else because I serve in this position.  I don’t think this role means that I am somehow more holy than a lay person.

I do believe this title and position should communicate is a certain level of proficiency and qualification in my field.

What I continue to encounter, however, is that special status, value, worth and power are too often conveyed on male pastors in a way that they are not automatically conveyed on female pastors.  Ideally I believe the answer is to stop assuming these things about pastors whether they are male or female!  Since I’m not going to hold my breath waiting for that, I find myself considering the implications of this current reality.  And, truth be told, I am beginning to think that more of my response to these things is rooted in personal fears and insecurities than I have wanted to admit to myself.

I have talked to male pastors who have shared criticism they get about their view of some issue, or their teaching about some topic.  Generally it is considered the problem of the person sending the criticism and rarely is there any question about whether he should continue in his calling or his career choice.  On the other hand, I have received emails declaring me to have the spirit of Jezebel and to be leading women astray (by people who think my only ministry role is to women – I cannot imagine what they would say if they understood I teach men too!  The scandal!).  I have been challenged on why I think I’m called to something that everyone knows God doesn’t call women to.  I have been accused of being a feminist who has disregarded Scripture in an effort to force change in the church. Men are questioned about how they do their job; women are questioned about whether they should even have the job.

The physical appearance of male pastors is rarely an issue.  People feel free to point out if they are attractive without concern for whether women (or men) will lust after them.  Many people are, however, concerned about female pastors and whether the men in their churches will lust after them.

I could offer more examples, but I won’t.  Those who are able to see the problem can already see it; those who are unable or unwilling to see the problem won’t be convinced by my experience.

So back to the question I asked above.  I really want to know if people are comfortable talking to male pastors in the way they often talk to me.  There are men and women who, whether pastors or not, whether they hold any degree in theology or not, whether they have studied beyond the level I have or not, whether they know anything about me or not, speak to me with the clear intent of educating me.  I generally choose to let it go and, in part, it is because I take seriously the calls to turn the other cheek and do not to view being a pastor as a position of power.

When I’m being totally honest, it is also because I am afraid of being labeled with even more stereotypes.  There is a part of me that worries whether standing up to men who bully through condescension will be proof to someone that I really am a feminist who hates men.  There are so many messages I don’t want to send that sometimes I don’t know how to respond to things that are wrong and should not happen within the Kingdom.  Male pastors are free to serve God without the burden of our culture’s diminishment of their gender.  I’m no longer comfortable carrying that extra burden either. 

As a final thought, I’m trying to find that balance where I’m comfortable expecting the level of respect that my education and title warrant in our society, while I still not thinking more highly of myself than I do of anyone else.  I am trying to be comfortable being called by the titles I hold while still not expecting it is something anyone has to do.  I just want efforts of humble servanthood toward others to be because that is what I believe it means to be a pastor, not because that is what I know is expected from a woman.

 

 

 

 

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