Continued from Part One: How did I get here?
I believe that I was made by God to be counter-cultural. I know that might seem like an odd thing to say, but it’s true. I’ve come to embrace so many things about myself that for years I was ashamed of or tried desperately to change.
When I’ve attended churches that say women can’t be ordained, that God doesn’t call women to preach or teach, I’m counter-cultural, because God has clearly called me to do these things. Someone once told me that none of the women at their church felt oppressed by such a teaching. I informed them that’s because all the women called to preach and teach had already left.
Countercultural for me is more than just church or doctrine. I teach a drama class for our homeschool group and I tell the children that God had me born loud and that theatre made me louder.
I also have opinions.
And I freely speak them!
So much for the people who expect women to be docile and passive and pretty arm candy. That is so not my scene or who God has made me to be!
What does this have to do with Messianic / Torah Observant / Hebraic thinking?
Well, most often I had best friends and boyfriends who were Jewish, and I loved their families. Several fathers over the years were adamant that I was actually Jewish as well. I smiled and said I was happy to be, but my internal reaction surprised me.
I longed for what they were saying to be true. I longed to have their words accurately describe me. Of course, I didn’t do much about those longings, because, well, if you’re not Jewish you’re not Jewish. It wasn’t really a longing to change my religion, but a longing to belong.
The truth is that I grew up feeling like a world orphan.
We moved all the time and never lived near our extended family for long at all. The one time my mother tried to ask her mother about heritage, she was yelled at for asking about “her” family - as though it wasn’t my mother’s family (and mine!) too.
Wherever we lived, whatever I was involved in, people kept telling me I was Jewish. As far as they were concerned, it wasn’t up for discussion. Over time it settled into my soul and was comfortable, since it was often the culture I was immersed in anyway.
When we began attending a Messianic congregation with a lot of culturally Jewish families, none of the things that got me sideways glances in traditional church settings were an issue. The more time I spent immersed in the community there, the more I liked and saw the value in the things about myself that had always been counter-cultural in more traditional church settings. The more I loved and accepted myself, the more I loved and accepted others, the more I loved who God made me to be . . . and it just kept growing.
The Messianic community isn’t without issues, and one of them became a real stumbling block for learning more about myself. I was passionate about it, so it was worth it at the time, but once it stopped being an issue, I had no more excuses. More on that to come . . .
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